I am living my dream.

I remember the days of Sonny Jurgensen, Billy Kilmer, Herb Adderley, Sam Huff, Roman Gabriel, Fred Arbanas, Homer Jones, Gary Cuozzo, Leroy Kelley, Lem Barney, Norm Snead, Keith Lincoln, and Lenny Moore. I recall three dollar ticket prices, the NFL consolation game (remember when the two semi-final losers played each other), the Boston Patriots, Dandy Don, Broadway Joe, Hollywood Henderson, and outdoor stadiums in frigid Detroit, and Minnesota. And while I am nostalgic, let me tell you something: The good old days are not nearly as great as today.

You see today the game is mine. All mine. The top athletes in football play for yours truly. I’m in control. I call the shots. I am Lombardi, Shula, Noll, Landry, Parcells, Stram, and Walsh packaged into one person. I am one of the most influential bright minds in the business today.

I am a 1999 fantasy football team general manager/coach.

What’s more, yours truly is inviting you on guest tour of my team. What a treat! As we move closer to the spreadsheet file room, nearer to the famous names and numbers who comprise my fantasy list, you are privy to some pretty inside stuff. Let’s listen in…

John Elway: "The media has been making a huge deal out of the Bronco’s three peat possibility. You guys know that meant nothing to me. I was never the type of player who was so selfish that I cared about individual accomplishments like winning an NFL championship. Anyone who knows me understands that if I felt I could not put up the big numbers to help Coach Finestone take his team to a league fantasy title… well then it was time to hang em up."

Jeff George: "Agreed, John. You’d think that I would be recognized by now for my great stat capabilities. Do you remember opening night in Kansas City last year when I was sacked about a dozen times? I was seeing stars. Why do you think I wouldn’t come out of the game? Do you think my team had any chance of winning? Do you think I cared? I stayed in strictly for Coach Finestone. I’ve been arguing with my NFL coaches on the sidelines to give me more passing attempts since my rookie season. I thought the road to higher fantasy value was paved by playing catch up on losing teams. This year John, I am trying your method. When ole Randall goes down I’ll be the most sought after fantasy quarterback in the league and then there will be no more talk about my being selfish."

Barry Sanders: "Of course I understand retiring, John. I quit because it was frustrating being one of the greatest runners of all time, only to be considered an average fantasy back. They took away my TD’s. Bobby Ross and this spreadsheet were the great equalizers for my speed and quickness."

Troy Aikman: "Look, I’ve done it all… Super Bowl champion… Pro Bowl. The one thing missing in my career is that I don’t help fantasy managers on a consistent basis."

Brian Griese: "Hey Troy, in my situation even you might gain fantasy respect."

Terry Glenn: "Since childhood I’ve always wanted to become a fantasy football manager. Does the job require extensive computer use or handwriting? You remember I have a history of carpal tunnel syndrome, as well as a tendency for severe paper cuts. Will these injuries force me out of action in this game?"

Yancy Thigpen: "I hear you partner. If you study the spreadsheet, my problem is consistency. The numbers are fine in every other column. The odd numbered columns are where I need the work."

Priest Holmes: "You dudes want to hear my definition of fantasy football… it would be playing a full sixteen game schedule against the Cincinnati Bengals. Yeah, that’s my idea of fantasy football!"

Antowain Smith: "…or against the Colts."

Tony Martin: "I am uncomfortable being listed on this spreadsheet. I would like an outright release. It’s nothing against Coach Finestone or this squad, but I’ve had a bad year with anything involving paper and my good name."

Lawrence Phillips: "Tony, the reason I chose Coach Finestone’s team over the others is because of his unique ability to reformat a hard drive. By doing that he promises all my records prior to this season will be deleted."

Gary Anderson: "My one complaint about playing for Coach Finestone’s fantasy team is how untidy his ledger is. For example the numbers are formatted to appear on the right side of each column and I am most comfortable when they appear in dead center."

Here comes a reporter over to interview Coach Finestone.

Reporter: "Coach, how does your team look?"

Coach Finestone: "Excellent. We had some difficulty in cell J32. It seemed there was an error where that player’s statistics weren’t being added into the overall totals. I don’t want to mention which athlete it was since the problem’s been corrected and he has promised us that it won’t happen again."

Reporter: "What off-season program did your team use?"

Coach Finestone: "Microsoft Excel."

Reporter: "What about your new stadium?"

Coach Finestone: "It’s just what this team needs. It has the ability to handle our team’s speed (Pentium III 400 MHZ processor), has plenty of capacity for our fans (16 Gigabyte hard drive), and possesses a great sound system (the new updated Sound Blaster Live card). You fellows are welcome to watch at tomorrow’s press conference how well it kicks off… I’m sorry, the new technologically often confuses me…how well it boots."

That’s it! With my recently installed Direct TV, a new computer, and a fresh football season around the corner…I CAN FEEL THE POWER!

Todd Finestone is a staff writer for Fantasy Football Mastermind. His monthly column "FINE STUFF" can be found at several different fantasy football related sites on the Internet. Please click HERE to offer a "Thumbs Up" or "Thumbs Down" on this article. Thank you for taking the time to offer your valuable opinion.